Treasury: Ted Cruz’s ‘Constipated Scowl’ Not Good for U.S. Money

Ted Cruz Constipation

WASHINGTON — U.S. Treasury officials say Sen. Ted Cruz’s seemingly “constipated scowl” not only hurts his presidential ambitions, but will prevent him from ever getting his portrait on U.S. currency.

“Sen. Cruz is probably the least photogenic person ever considering a presidential run,” said a Treasury official on the condition of anonymity. “Look at any photo of him, and he truly has a constipated scowl. He needs to have that checked out. He needs more fiber or something to get him regular.”

Ted Cruz in U.S. Dollar

U.S. Treasury will not accept Cruz’s “constipated scowl” on currency.

Representatives for Cruz declined to comment on the senator’s appearance or his digestive health, and said Cruz himself would not be available to reporters. One junior staffer, however, said he thought Cruz was in the bathroom.   MF_Logo-Bxed20