MOSCOW — Russian President Vladimir Putin is reportedly furious that nobody cares about him being mocked in political cartoons for his involvement in Ukraine, and aides say he’s become increasingly envious of the Prophet Mohammed and the zealousness of his supporters.
“No one is threatening to kill the cartoonists for me. No one is blowing up these news buildings to defend my honor. I need ISIS-like supporters,” said an agitated Putin according to Kremlin sources. “What am I, chopped babka?”
Ironically, babka happens to be a Ukrainian sweet bread, and it is not clear whether the irony was lost on Putin or whether items such as babka are actually at the root of why he is so intent on taking over Ukraine.
One Kremlin source did overhear Putin say that Babka is actually Russian, despite all documented evidence to the contrary.
“What Putin is claiming may very well be true,” said veteran NBC News anchor Brian Williams. “I remember Putin used to eat a lot of babka back when we were roommates in college. He once said he wished he could have it all. I knew what he meant then. I know what he means now. Trust me. I was there.”